Something Wrong
by PurpleLlamanator
Summary: The Black Organization is disbanded and the Conan secret is out. They had their ups and downs but she forgave him. She waited for him. She loves him. . . Doesn't she? But why does it feel like . . something's wrong? *Mature Oneshot*


**A/N~ Hey guys! So this obviously not an update for Interview Mania nor does this have anything to do with that story. This is a stand alone oneshot that would take place in a canon universe after the Black Organization case! Also, word of warning- there is MATURE content ahead. M-A-T-U-R-E! This was also brought up for icedcoffeeanyone or hislips. So sorry it took me this long to post the request! Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Inspector Meguire wanted me to stop by that museum after class," Shinichi said casually as he walked beside his girlfriend. They were at school and on their way to class.

Ran shrugged. "Okay," she said simply.

And that was that.

Shinichi couldn't help the way his cheeks went a light pink. How was he supposed to say that he wanted her to go? That and he wanted her to be there even if it was while he was working?

"I. . uh. . . was inviting you." And his voice sounded more than a little uncomfortable as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"_Oh._" Ran's eyes widened before she gave him a smile. "You didn't have to. I don't want to be in your way when you're working."

And that was that.

He could barely form a believable argument in his head for why she should go before she was already walking into the classroom towards her seat. He was left mumbling under his breath incoherently but she didn't hear and he watched her back as she greeted Sonoko. Realizing he was just dwaddling in the doorway now, he cleared his throat and dragged his feet to his seat.

A month.

It had been an entire month since he finally came back as the famed Detective of the East, Kudou Shinichi. No longer was he Edogawa Conan. He was seventeen, in high school, living on his own again, and very much having . . relationship issues.

Shinichi had been back for only a month but he had been dating Ran technically for three. That had been established on their school field trip to Kyoto when he had luckily been granted a brief antidote by Haibara. At first, everything had been going fine. They messaged each other more often when he was Conan still and spoke on the phone when he could sneak away. On her seventeenth birthday he had been able to beg Haibara for an antidote- _again_. And before he had to disappear again. . .

They kissed.

It hadn't been on the cheek like in Kyoto either. It had been a full, on the lips, _kiss_. He could remember only thinking about how he had wanted to since the field trip but unfortunately, ran out of time. He would've been damned if he missed his chance twice though and so he had kissed her before he left.

And it had meant everything to him. That one kiss, he felt like, said so much that had gone unspoken between them. It confirmed and reassured in his mind that she was waiting still- that she was waiting for him. And call him inexperienced or thinking like a guy, but he thought that had also meant that. . . they would move forward.

When she had yanked him by his tie and kissed him, he thought that reinforced that. Granted, again, it was only on the cheek; but to him it had been so much more. He thought it meant that they would do it again; that he could initiate as well and receive.

And when he came back as himself. . . that expectation sort of . . fell flat. They hadn't kissed since her birthday. They didn't go on dates. They didn't even hold hands and obviously he didn't have any experience to go by but he thought that they would at least be doing _that_.

But they didn't. And at this point he was starting to think that she didn't want anything to do with him, let alone to actually touch him. Ran had accompanied him on more cases before the whole Black Syndicate when they _weren't_ dating compared to now when he thought he would be seeing her everyday. Shinichi saw her at school of course, but besides that it was rare for them to do anything with each other so most weekends, he didn't even hear from her except for a text conversation that _he_ usually initiated.

Honestly, he felt more alone now than he ever had as Conan. At least when he was three feet tall, Ran actually looked at him. Even if she hadn't been aware he was Shinichi and it was as Conan, she still treated him as if she cared. Now, he was feeling like an overbearing boyfriend- a pest that she couldn't shake off and that was the last thing he wanted to be.

But he was so damn _frustrated._

He wanted to hold her hand. He wanted to take her on dates. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to touch her. And he couldn't even get her to accompany him on cases anymore. She had a karate tournament and hadn't even told him. He could remember a time where she threatened to squash him flat if he dared not to be there. Of course back then he acted like it was a burden when it really hadn't been but now, he thought it would be expected of him to be there. When he asked her about it, she only shrugged him off.

"It's okay. I know you're usually busy with cases," she'd say with that same gentle smile.

It made him furious. Of course not at her, but himself. Maybe if he had told her how he felt sooner; if he showed more interest in her wants instead of acting like he could care less, this wouldn't be happening. That's why she was saying that, wasn't it? Because before Conan he had acted like those things were a waste of his time. Even their date that hadn't been a date to Tropical Land, he walked around like he'd rather be anywhere else. When she invited him to that couple's aquarium he had frowned and asked why he had to be there when he should've been up front and honest that he was so happy he was the first person to come to mind to take.

Now he couldn't even get her to go to a case with him.

Shinichi thought that maybe it would be best to ask her about what was going on. He was going to even if he would've been red in the face the entire time he spoke. But then a fear that he hadn't even considered surfaced and it had him panicking even more.

Maybe Ran wanted to break up with him. Maybe she tried dating him to give it a chance but wasn't impressed and didn't see him like that anymore.

The thought had him on the brink of panic and he decided then, he wouldn't be saying _anything_. She hadn't dumped him yet and he didn't want to be the reminder for her to do so. His only option now would be to stop her; to convince her that dumping him would be a mistake and that he had been worth the wait.

And since Shinichi had exactly three piddly months with next to no interactions with his girlfriend as dating experience, he was going to need help.

Hearing the door begin to swing open, Shinichi hurriedly plastered on an extra sweet but nervous grin. "_Suzuki_!" he greeted in an overly sweet voice.

The door slammed so hard in his face that it sent a gust of air blowing his hair back.

Head falling back in exhaustion, he tried knocking on the door again. When that didn't work he started apologizing. He had no way of knowing if she was on the other side of the door or not but if he was wanting to know what exactly was going on with Ran, Sonoko was his best bet.

"Come on, Sonoko," he grumbled under his breath before realizing he didn't really have any right to be frustrated at her. If anything, he owed her something else and he said, "I'm sorry, Sonoko. The stuff I did as Conan; I didn't mean anything by it. I just need to know what's going on with Ran." And taking a deep breath because he actually couldn't believe he was going to beg to Suzuki he said, "Please help me."

It was embarrassing and Sonoko was probably reveling in but he stood outside her shut, front door for five minutes before it became obvious to him that she wouldn't be opening it again. He should've known better than to ask Sonoko at the moment but he was desperate and besides him, she was the closest to Ran. Sonoko had unsurprisingly been less than thrilled when she heard exactly how she had become the Deduction Queen. It was stupid of him to try but when it was about the possibility of his girlfriend dumping him- he'd try anything no matter how dumb it made him look.

After slinking home and moping at his dining room table, again, he never felt so alone. His house had obviously not gotten any larger since the last time he lived there but without the constant banter and flurry of activity he was used to at the detective agency, the silence was suffocating him. It made his thoughts seem even louder and soon it felt like his ears were ringing.

Pulling out his phone, he sent Ran a text.

'_Want to come over? The inspector didn't need me long at all._' And he hit the green send button, not bothering to lock his phone and just staring at the screen waiting for the moment she'd respond.

It had been about two minutes before he finally saw her response come in. And he frowned.

'_I'm sorry. Can't! I'm actually at the store for groceries and then I need to make dinner_.'

The disappointment hit him hard and he wanted to call her and ask if he could just eat dinner with them. It would be strained and awkward because old man Mouri would be breathing down his collar constantly but he wanted to see her. The only thing that stopped him from doing that was the fact she hadn't just offered like she used to before they were dating. And that told him enough. If she had wanted him to join them, then she would've offered.

The bad thing was, he couldn't tell if she was lying or not. It was actually a believable excuse since he knew Ran did most of the shopping and cooking in her household. It was only unusual because she hadn't invited him but that too could've been because she didn't want her dad hanging over them. Apparently her dad was still having trouble adjusting to their new relationship status.

Locking his phone, Shinichi rested his forehead against the table.

_What relationship_? Shinichi thought depressingly. At this point they were talking less than when they had just been friends. He wanted to say they were talking less than even when he was Conan but he knew it would be exaggerating and because he was bitter.

He had to fix this. He had to fix this before she decided to break it off. But if Sonoko refused to help him, then who else was there?

Unlocking his phone again, he sent off another text.

* * *

Watching the entrance like a hawk, he took brief breaks to glance out the window. His knee was bouncing in a mixture of irritation and anxiousness that didn't settle down until the store bell rang signaling a new customer. When Shinichi took notice of the sheepish grin his friend was sporting, he gave a half-lidded glare.

Shinichi didn't even have to say anything before the other detective was already apologizing.

"I'm sorry I'm late! I was workin' a case," the boy raised his hands defensively before plopping down roughly into the booth seat in front of him. "So- what did ya' need, Kudou? Lay it on me! A new case? You got stuck didn't ya'? Needed the help of yer' bestest buddy in the world?" His eyes were alight with excitement.

Shinichi wanted to glare at him some more, but he just didn't have the patience nor the energy. Besides, it wouldn't be right to take his frustration out on Hattori. His friend came all the way from Osaka to help him after all.

Exhaling nervously, he clasped his hands together in front of him. Then to the slight horror and amusement of his Osakan friend- began knocking the fisted limbs against his forehead repeatedly.

"Jeez, man. You lookin' a little rough," Hattori said but only halfway joking. He meant what he said. There were dark circles under his eyes. His usually kept hair was all over the place including the cowlick. His clothes looked all disheveled even though he clearly had been waiting there in the seat for quite some time.

Kudou looked like shit. He told him as much.

"I _feel_ like shit," Shinichi answered while using the heels of his palms to dig in his eyes. He didn't add anything else and was just mumbling unintelligibly into his hands. The other detective was probably beginning to understand this didn't have to do with a case.

"Uh. . . do you . . . wanna talk about it?" Hattori asked more than a bit unsure. It was probably because the other detective was sitting there and just cursing to himself. That and Kudou never wanted to just talk. It was unusual for Shinichi to call him for anything other than a case and the last time that happened it was because he needed his Osakan accent.

"Ran's going to dump me," Shinichi whispered upsetly. He had moved on from trying to gauge out his eyes and was now resting his head against his hand, using it to conceal his vision; the elbow resting against the table.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" His friend said from across the table and Shinichi could detect a hint of amusement and bafflement. He didn't believe him. When Shinichi repeated what he said but louder, Hattori jerked forward in his seat flabbergasted.

"Has Toyama-san mentioned anything to you? About Ran," he reiterated firmly running his fingers through his already mussed up hair.

Hattori leaned back, staring into space as if running his mind through anything that might've been helpful. Finally he just shook his head. "All Kazuha mentioned was that Nee-chan had that big tournament last week."

Shinichi's head shot up, an almost pained expression on his face.

"W-what?"

The way his friend said it; it was as if he expected Shinichi to already know that. He _should've_ already knew that. But he hadn't and the fact that even Toyama knew- the thought made him choke. Ran had even invited Hattori's girlfriend who lives all the way in _Osaka_ and not her boyfriend that lives down the street.

Hattori must've realized he said something wrong and his eyes widened. "I take it you didn't know that," he said uneasily.

Shinichi just gave him an unamused glare.

"Look, Kudou-" Hattori placed his hands in front of him defensively. "I'm sure yer just overreactin'. When you were stuck as that brat, you were all she ever talked about!"

"Well, not anymore," he grumbled under his breath; the bitterness seeping into his voice, but Hattori heard him.

"Do ya' even have any evidence? Did Nee-chan even _say_ she wanted to cut it off?"

Shinichi didn't know how to say that it was the fact that she _wasn't_ saying anything that had him stressing. The issue was she wasn't saying enough.

Pulling his phone from his back pocket, he unlocked it and went into his messages. He knew it would be easier to just show him rather than try to explain. Hattori knew Ran as well, after all. Obviously not as well as him but he would be able to read her messages and just see how curt and short they were. How anything he tried to start; anything he even attempted to initiate- she shut down. Something was wrong and he was freaking out because it was like she didn't want to give him the chance to fix it. Maybe she thought he couldn't.

Hattori scrolled through the messages on his phone which usually would bother Shinichi but sadly, it wasn't like he had anything to hide. Mitsuhiko had deleted that one picture Sonoko had sent him from Ran at the beach, and after that he had not received another like it since. Besides that, his worries were beyond getting embarrassed in front of Hattori. He could deal with losing face in front of his friend. What he couldn't deal was losing his girlfriend and if the other detective had any ideas or thoughts to clue him in on just what he might've done to upset Ran- Shinichi was all ears.

"That's . . . weird," Hattori said simply after handing him his phone back and Shinichi wanted to roll his eyes. Of course it was weird. If it wasn't, what other reason would he have to call him out to Tokyo in a panic? But if even his friend that lived hours away and that hardly saw his girlfriend could tell something was off- it didn't leave him very optimistic.

"Did you ask that rich girl- ya' know, Nee-chan's friend?"

The look he sent the Osakan was withering. Did he think he was an idiot? That he was an amateur? Of course he had and he winced at the thought of how that went. "She slammed her front door in my face," he said as he pocketed his phone again.

Hattori winced with him at that as he seemed to mentally cross off that idea.

"So you were thinkin' Kazuha might've talked with her," the Osakan stated; not at all asking to which Shinichi didn't even acknowledge.

"When did things change?"

He didn't even have to think about his response.

"When I went back to school," he said without missing a beat.

Which brought a thought to his friend that Shinichi had pondered numerous times.

"She's still mad about. . . ?" Hattori trailed off uneasily not really knowing if it was still a touchy subject or not.

_Conan_. He was asking if Ran was still mad about him being Conan and living right under her nose and in her house.

"N-" He started and then immediately cut himself off. He had been about to say confidently that she wasn't still angry at him but now. . he wasn't so sure. Was she? Did Ran still hold a grudge over the Black Organization case? She had been less than thrilled to discover he had been living with her for the better part of year- which on some occasions included bathing with her. But she had looked past all of that or at least Shinichi thought she had. Ran never brought it up and if anything, would sometimes tease him and speak to him as if he were still a seven year old child. If she could so easily joke about it, then she couldn't be upset about it still. . . right?

"I . . . don't think so. . . " he finally settled on saying while staring hard at the table and Hattori's brows raised.

The other detective still seemed undecided about the whole situation though. "I don't know, Kudou. I think yer misunderstandin'. Look, man- those are just text messages, okay? _Text messages,_" he reiterated firmly. "Everybody sounds robotic through the phone. I think yer' just freakin' out and should talk-"

Not only Hattori but a few other patrons were startled by the loud slam of a fist hitting the table.

"No- _you're_ misunderstanding!" he started with an almost crazed look in his eyes; his tone raising by the minute and it had his friend's eyes flitting to the customers who were watching nervously.

Hattori quickly tried to shush his friend. "Calm down man," he whispered harshly while leaning forward so as to be heard. "Yer' yellin'-"

"_I don't fucking care_," Shinichi said flatly. "Ran's been acting cold and detached with me for days- _weeks_. It's not just the damn phone! You think I don't know when something's wrong with _my_ girlfriend?" he questioned furiously and Hattori could only sputter uselessly at the angry question.

He couldn't tell if the detective was actually mad at him for trying to dissuade him or if the detective of the east was beating up himself for not knowing enough about his girlfriend to give a solution. And almost like his Osakan friend wasn't even at the table anymore, he started arguing with himself.

"I can't even get her to go to crime scenes with me anymore. If one happens while we're there, she goes to leave. And if I ask her to stay it's always 'You don't have to, Shinichi' or 'I don't want to be in your way'. Maybe I fucking _want_ her in my way. Maybe I was asking cause I fucking _wanted_ her to be there. Did she ever think of that?" Shinichi directed the furious question at nobody in particular and Hattori had moved on from trying to quiet him and was instead sending apologetic glances to the other customers.

"We haven't even gone on a date, since I've come back. Did Kazuha mention that?" he asked in sarcastic anger. Not that he was going to but Shinichi was already plowing on before Hattori could open his mouth.

"Because I can't get her to do anything with me. She doesn't even let me in her house anymore. We haven't kissed since her birthday; we haven't touched since _ever_\- and it's _driving me insane_!"

"I thought things would be fine when I came back. I thought we would do more," and nobody listening understood what his real definition of what _more_ entailed. "And I'm out of my mind with frustration! I don't know what I did wrong to even start with an idea to fix it and it's killing me. My girlfriend's going to dump me and I don't even know what the hell for!" he exploded throwing his hands up aggravatedly.

They seemed to sit there for a minute. One detective was glaring hard at nothing in particular, chest heaving; and the other was simply staring at the other in a mixture of worry and pity. Hattori didn't know what to say and the other simply didn't want to speak anymore. The detective of the west was beginning to think that Kudou didn't need his help at all and already resigned to his fate. He honestly only wanted to vent.

"_Sh..ich_.."

Suddenly Shinichi perked up in his seat as did Hattori. He could've sworn he heard his name-

"_Shinichi_?"

He had definitely heard it this time but it sounded muffled and he glanced around confusedly. How could it sound so close yet so far away at the same time? The only thing that told him he wasn't going crazy was the fact Hattori was looking with him.

"_Shinichi!_" he heard again but this time louder. And this time he also recognized the voice.

And he. Was. _Horrified_.

At first Hattori was staring at him as if he had gone nuts again when he scrambled about trying to pull something from his back pocket. When he saw it was his cell phone the same horrified but enlightened look took up his face.

Neither knew what to do. Shinichi simply held the phone in his hand and they both stared at it in a mixture of shock, dread, and any other emotion that just wasn't _good._

"_S-Shinichi? Are you still there_?"

Since he wasn't holding the phone up to his ear and it wasn't on speaker, her voice sounded so small but yet cut through his senses like a knife and was so sharp. It had him freezing and feeling completely petrified; his nerves coiling so tightly with the understanding of what just happened.

"_Do something_," Hattori whisper-yelled through grit teeth when they both just continued to stare at his phone in a frantic panic.

"_H-Hattori-kun?_" the voice asked alarmed.

And that one outburst had Shinichi sending an irritably pointed look at his companion. That emotion didn't last long though and morphed into dread when she spoke again. It all was too much. How long had she been on the line? How much had she heard? Shinichi had no idea and he was freaking out. He didn't know what to do.

So he ended the call.

"_Shinichi-_"

The line went dead before another word got out but instead of relief, his eyes widened as he realized what he just did. Hattori and him both were still gaping at the phone- alarmed even more by what he just did.

"I just hung up on her," Shinichi said slowly but with a mixture of panic and then more surely. "_I just hung up on her._" And now he was dropping his phone on the table and running his hands down his face.

He was so _fucked_.

* * *

After that, Shinichi just went home. It was Saturday so he'd have at least one more day before he had to see her again. One last day to prepare himself for the inevitable. Not at all wanting to speed up the process for her, he refrained from calling or texting her for the rest of that evening.

That night as he laid in bed, all he could do was stare at his ceiling blankly. Ran hadn't reached out to him all night and he took that as the confirmation he didn't really even need.

She had heard everything and if she hadn't, she had at least heard enough. Shinichi didn't even have it in him to be angry with her, himself, or anybody. He had meant all of what he said and when she decided to break it off with him, at least she would do so knowing exactly how he felt. It didn't mean he wasn't embarrassed about all that he admitted. Though it had all been true, the fact he got so frustrated he admitted wanting to be with her; to _touch_ her-

Face going red again, he threw his arm across his eyes to block his vision.

It was over and he didn't know whether he wanted to cry or yell but it broke his heart. He felt like he had already lost so much with Ran and now to think he was going to lose even more. Throat feeling tight, the sound of his phone vibrating loudly against the wood of his nightstand startled him.

Looking over, he almost decided to ignore it. If it was the inspector presenting a case, he wasn't really interested nor was he in the right state of mind to really be of any assistance. Hearing it was only a text message though, he sat up slowly and grabbed his phone.

After noticing that it was close to two in the morning, he unlocked his phone only to freeze in shock.

'**Ran: 1:47AM**'

He was embarrassed to say he was scared to open it. He didn't know what it would be. Would she dump him over text? No. Ran wasn't like that. . . But why else would she reach out to him so late? Holding his breath the entire time, he opened the message.

'_We need to talk_.'

That one message left a foul taste entering his mouth. Shinichi may be inexperienced. Ran may be his first girlfriend but anybody with a brain knew what that message meant.

It was the pre-break up text.

The dread he had been trying to suppress all night came over him in a huge wave. It felt like his heart was cracking in his chest, on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. The ache hurt so bad and was starting to climb its way up his throat and his eyes began to tingle.

He was almost glad another message came in right after that because he was at a loss on how to respond to her first text. What was he supposed to say? What was she expecting him to say?

'_Is it alright if I come over tomorrow morning?_'

In a way, Shinichi wanted to say no; that he was busy. She had been blowing him off for weeks. But he knew he couldn't do that- not to her anyway. And he didn't want her to break up with him but if it had to be done, he'd rather it happen in private rather than school when he was forced to see her. He would eventually have to face her and all the accusing stares when everybody realized that the famed couple were no more.

It was dumb of him to think he could avoid this as long as he did.

Not really having the energy to say anything else, he simply sent her, '_Okay._'

He didn't hear back from her for the rest of the night. He didn't even know when exactly to expect her but deep down Shinichi knew it really didn't matter. There was no way he'd be able to sleep tonight. He'd be wide awake long before she arrived. And though he knew it would be best to just get it over with, he was dreading every moment.

Like he expected, he hadn't slept maybe but an hour last night. He kept waking up in the middle of the night to toss and turn. Not even reading his Holmes novels could distract him. He simply took a shower, dressed, and then waited for her prompt arrival.

He wasn't at all surprised when she knocked on his door at 9AM sharp. Ran had always been an early riser and that had never changed for as long as he had known her. Embarrassingly enough, it crossed his mind once again to simply not answer the door. He could maybe make her think he was still asleep and had missed her visit.

The reminder that he had given her a key however squashed that idea. He'd have to answer the door. He'd have to have this talk with her. He couldn't avoid it any longer.

As usual when he saw her, he took notice of how nice Ran looked that morning. She was wearing some short shorts and a nice shirt. He knew it was wrong to do but as he invited her in and she swapped her sandals for a pair of house slippers, he couldn't help but admire how long and toned her legs were. He had many a dreams and thoughts of touching her; using his hands to slide up the undoubtedly smooth and soft flesh of her thighs.

Now after his perverse complaints, he knew there was no hope of that ever happening.

Before he could get caught, his eyes snapped back to her face as she spun around to face him.

Seeing her finally, he couldn't gauge what she was thinking. She didn't look angry but she was obviously very uncomfortable. It had him tensing and he could just feel the awkward tension settling in the room. They were just standing in his living room, both of them avoiding the eyes of the other. Neither looked like they wanted to speak first. Neither of them looked like they knew where to start.

The silence was unnerving him. And when she finally decide to take the plunge; to speak first- the moment her mouth opened, he _burst_.

"Don't break up with me!"

The combination of his actual words and the fact he yelled them at her, at her looking startled. Her eyes were wide and it had her mouth effectively closing before any sound could come out.

Honestly, Shinichi had no idea what he was doing. Last night he had already, like Hattori said- resigned himself to his fate. He hadn't planned on saying much to her other than that he respected her boundaries and her decision.

But that would be a lie. He wasn't okay with her decision. Not until he told her everything he felt. Swallowing, he knew this was his last and only chance and seeing as shocked as she was, he hurriedly continued before she could interrupt.

"Living with you for so long; I'm just not used to being on my own again," he said slowly; dejectedly before turning more firm. "I can though. That's just something I'll have to get past. I can learn to deal with it," he said so quickly that he was sure she probably didn't have any idea what he was saying. He didn't care though. He didn't care if he sounded crazy or obsessive. He didn't care that he probably looked pathetic and desperate. _He didn't care_.

He _was_ desperate. He _was_ pathetic. When it came to her there wasn't anything he wouldn't _do_\- anything he wouldn't_ say _to prove that to her. To prove that she was the most important thing to him. He would say it till he was blue in the face if that's what she needed.

If Conan never happened, he probably would've never been able to say all this to her. But since it did, he knew what it was like to miss his chance. He knew what it felt like; the feeling of dread and fear that he might not get to say what he wanted. Any time he was himself and the antidote wore off, he'd missed another chance that he had to wonder if he would ever get again. So many times he feared she would get sick of him. Now that he had his mouth; _his voice_, he'd say it till she told him to stop.

"I-I can give you space. I can back off," he said frantically; pleading. "Just _don't leave me_, _Ran_. _Please_."

"Shinichi," she whispered his name almost sadly but with an equal amount of surprise. And then she shook her head slowly while watching him and his heart just sunk.

This was it. She was done. Would they still be friends after this? Could he still be friends with her- _only_ friends? Could he bear to be around her knowing that? It would kill him but he'd have to. It would be hard but he had to come to terms with the fact this wasn't just his decision alone. Just because he had hoped so badly this would work out didn't mean that she had to feel the same.

Suddenly he felt like he was about to be knocked off his feet. It took him a second to realize that Ran had tackled him and was hugging him fiercely; her arms wrapped tightly around his midsection and her face pressed into his chest. Quickly before she could pull away, he wound his arms around her just as hard. He wasn't sure why she was doing it but he wasn't about to question it. After today, if she dumped him, he wouldn't have the right to do this ever again. When she eventually pulled away however, he knew he had to let her go. Even if he had the inexplicable urge to tug her back to him- he had no right.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled as she brushed away her small tears. She wasn't crying hard but some moisture had built up in the corners of her eyes.

Shinichi looked down at his feet, upset. He didn't know what to say that she hadn't already heard from him. If he hadn't said it directly to her then she obviously knew how he felt from that impromptu call he gave her. This was it. It was over. There wasn't anything left for him to say. And though he was hurt, he didn't like seeing her cry.

"It's okay, Ran," he said quietly while still looking at the ground. And as the words passed his lips he couldn't help the automatic urge his body had to repel them. It _wasn't_ okay. It didn't _feel_ okay and he couldn't look at her. His heart was imploding and he knew that if she saw how upset he was she might back down. And he didn't want that. He wanted her honesty even if that meant her saying she didn't want him anymore. He should just be thankful it lasted as long as it did; that she at least tried to overlook his lies and deception.

"_No_. No it's not," her voice cracked when she raised it slightly and then more calmly, "I-I'm not breaking up with you, Shinichi."

At first, he hadn't registered what she said. Then it started playing over and over in his head on a loop.

'_I'm not breaking up with you, Shinichi_.'

His head shot up; his eyes wide. "W-what?"

Still brushing some excess moisture away she let a watery chuckle escape. "I don't want to break up," she said again.

Now that he had the reaffirmation that he had heard her correctly, he didn't really know what exactly he was feeling. All that stuck out to him was how confused he felt. His expression must've given away that he needed some form of explanation.

Ran gave a shuddering sigh, seeming to calm herself enough to speak. He knew she got emotional easily but she seemed more upset than when she got there.

"I just- I thought you needed space," she finally said and this time his eyes widened with her confession.

"You were stuck living with me for almost a year and when you left- it was just _hard_. I thought you'd get sick of me always fretting over you as if you were still Conan-kun. I-I had no idea-! I n-never meant-!"

_She never meant to isolate them. She had no idea he _wanted_ her constant fretting over him_.

Eyes watering again and seeing as she probably wouldn't ever be able to finish her thoughts aloud, she sagged. "I'm so _sorry_, Shinichi. Please don't be angry with me," her voice wobbled; her lips were trembling and his features softened.

She thought he was angry? After _that_ she thought he would be _mad_ at her?

Heart pounding, placing his hands on either side of her cheeks; her eyes glanced to his surprised. Shinichi hadn't really been aware himself but before he knew it he was tugging her mouth to his and kissing her deeply. He wasn't sure which emotion drove the embrace. It could've been his relief. It could've been in deprivation. All he knew was that his mouth was fusing with hers hotly and he'd rather pass out from lack of air than separate.

His hands were latched firmly to her cheeks, cradling them but also not allowing her a chance to pull away. The startled gasp she released into his mouth had him worried that maybe he had gone too far too soon but then her own fingers were curling in his shirt; her hands fisting the fabric at his chest as she held him firmly in place.

She didn't want him to go anywhere and when he felt her tongue peek out to brush against his own tentatively, he was suddenly overcome with so much emotion. None of it anything he could properly place at the moment and almost hungrily, he was angling his head every which way just to be as close as possible. His hands had left there place at her face and slowly slid down to her waist so he could yank her close to him there as well. He didn't want any space between them. He had had enough distance and he could feel her arms that had been gripping his shirt were now squished between their chests.

His couch was just behind her and suddenly he was pressing her down into its cushions almost roughly. There wasn't a noise of complaint from her though as her head came to rest against one of the throw pillows. The only noises escaping her mouth were soft gasps and breathy pants that he could feel resounding in his own mouth, driving him insane. It made him groan against her lips and soon he was biting the edge of her jaw, down her throat in want.

"I've missed you so fucking much," he groaned against her throat in between his kisses and nips and her hands that had been pressed against him were now bunching up the front of his shirt in need.

He could hardly breathe. She was trying to take his shirt off and was mewling and crying out at the same time. Bracing his arms against the headrest above her head, he shoved himself up and stripped his shirt off in one go, tossing it roughly to the side.

Her eyes were wide and staring at him and soon her hands flew back to his bare chest, brushing against the flesh there. She was sliding her soft hands up and down his abdomen; just feeling him and he was diving back down, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. It was like his mind couldn't focus on one thing for long. It was like it couldn't decide where to start first and as quickly as he came down, he was sitting back up to stare at her.

Her eyes were shut tight; her chest raising and falling out of breath. The rapid movement drew his attention their and before he could even think it through, his hands were tangling in the fabric there. He wanted to see her. The rise and fall of her breasts, tantalizing him; teasing him about what lay under the fabric of her blouse. He had to see her and his fingers were moving so frantically that he was struggling to properly undo the buttons of her top. The entire time he kept glancing back up to her face before looking back at his fingers every time he exposed another inch of her flesh.

Ran's eyes were still shut firmly, her mouth slightly agape as the cutest whimpers he had ever heard flowing from her lips. Her face was red and the more skin he exposed the more he noticed the color went all the way down her chest. The next button he picked finally showed to him the top of her bra. It was a soft, baby pink color with the barest bit of lace across the edges and he could hardly contain himself. Her breath hitching was what drew his attention back to her. Looking at her, he watched as her mouth became shaky- her lips quivering now and no longer just staying open.

He was overwhelming her. He knew he had to be. He was overwhelming _himself_; driving himself mad with need. But as he took notice of how shaky she was and how red she had gotten- it had him recoiling sharply as he put it all together.

Leaving her to lay where she was, he sat on the furthest cushion he could away from her. It was difficult seeing as she was laid out and when his eyes really focused on her form; really took notice of what he did, his eyes glanced forward quickly and he didn't dare chance looking at her again.

She was still on her back; her hands at her sides gripping the fabric of his couch and her legs bent at the knees and spread.

Spread for him and he swallowed.

Her brain finally catching up, she must've just realized he was no longer on top of her nor was he even touching her. From his peripheral, he could see as she slowly used her elbows to brace her weight as she sat up. He could feel her watching him and he couldn't help but feel like her stare was accusing.

"Shinichi?" she called to him softly and he felt his heart race.

"I'm sorry," he got out through a clenched throat. He was still trying to calm himself down. He didn't want to offend her if she saw just how much he had been affected by touching her like that; by just hearing her underneath him.

"Sorry?" she asked him confusedly. "For what?"

He couldn't help but find it cute the way she tilted her head slightly or the way she sat up to fold her legs gently beneath her as she watched him curiously.

Shinichi didn't know how to explain what he was sorry for; not without scaring her probably. She was so naive and innocent sometimes it was difficult for her to understand what she did to him. Ran wasn't dumb by any means but she was so pure.

"I didn't mean to do that," he said and then momentarily wanted to take it back at the obvious hurt that entered her eyes. He wasn't apologizing for all of it. Just the part where he tried to rip her shirt off.

He sighed roughly realizing there was no easier way to say it. He wouldn't win either way. He could tell her the truth and frighten her or he could lie and hurt her feelings. Making his decision, he took the plunge.

"I-I wasn't trying to take advantage of you," he said softly and looked completely away from her. He didn't want her to see the look in his eyes. The almost feral gleam he was trying to conceal. She just drove him so mad; he had felt so deprived- he couldn't help himself. He felt like his body had gone into a withdraw and the moment he finally touched her again, his body snapped and he latched onto her frantically.

And she let him. She had let him touch her so roughly and primaly and he was almost one hundred percent sure it was because he hadn't given her enough of a chance to react. All she had been able to do was lay there and cry out and now his thoughts were getting away from him as he replayed the last five minutes in his head.

The slight dip in the cushion beside him was the only warning he had before he felt a small arm wrap around his own. It had him glancing down at her sharply but all he saw was the top of her brunette head. She wasn't looking at him but instead was hugging his arm to her tightly, laying her head against his shoulder and he hated how that alone was enough to have his heart speeding up even more.

It almost made him upset with her. She just wasn't getting it. Didn't she understand that that alone was driving him up the wall? That her touching him was pushing him to a point he couldn't go with her yet because she wasn't ready.

"If I want it, is that still taking advantage of me?"

Her whispered question, had his throat running dry and blood immediately running south. Surely she wasn't meaning what he thought?

"You want me, right?"

"Ran-"

"Don't lie to me," she interrupted him; her voice and tone still as gentle and soft as ever. "You can't. I know it's what you want. . after yesterday. . . "

And his face went red at the reminder of what started all of this. So she had heard. Of course he already knew that deep down but her confirmation was still humiliating especially when she used it against him like this. But still, she needed to stop. She wasn't understanding what she was saying.

"Ran," he shook his head slowly, trying to pull back some. "If this is about making me feel better, I don't-"

Her hand gripped his arm firmly and she looked up at him, there faces inches apart. "I-it's _not_," she said firmly and there was an embarrassingly flustered but stern pout on her lips.

How could he believe that though? If she had really been ready to take this step with him, why had she never spoke to him? Why had she never tried? She had no problem initiating that first kiss against his cheek.

"You're always protecting me, and I love that about you," she said gently and though it made his heart skip a beat- he could hear the unspoken 'but' in that sentence even before she said it.

"But sometimes you need to realize that I don't need it."

This time she was the one to pull away and as he looked at her, he realized it was more of a timid retreat. When she started speaking again, he realized why.

"I just got you back a month ago. You think I did that for me?" she asked almost sarcastically and now she was looking at her hands that were gripping the fabric of her shorts. "Out of the two of us, Shinichi, you were the only one aware that we were together. I had no idea you were with me the entire time. And I missed you so much. Especially after Kyoto." The more she talked the more her cheeks stained bright scarlet. Whereas he been trying to look anywhere but at her, now he couldn't take his eyes away.

"I've had time to think, Shinichi. I've had space. I've had enough of it to last me a lifetime." she admitted and he could tell from her wobbly tone how nervous and embarrassed she was to be saying this.

Shinichi didn't really know what to say to all of that. For once, he actually ran out of words. What could he say to argue that? Why would he _want_ to argue that? And her confession had his own face going a slight pink but mostly for a completely different reason.

He had heard the honesty in her tone. The fact she couldn't even look at him as she said that told him how true it was. She really had thought about this and it made him feel strangled.

She had thought about . . touching him. She had actually thought about _being_ with him.

His silence was unnerving her; he could tell. She had moved on to biting her lip and her hands were fisted so tightly he could see the whites of her knuckles. It amused him how embarrassed she was acting after not even a full 24 hours ago, she had heard him yell to a whole restaurant that he wanted to touch her intimately.

Slowly, he leaned forward to pull her beside him again. She had moved away from being embarrassed but he wanted her to understand that it wasn't necessary. Nor was the space she tried to give him.

He heard her breathing stutter but she didn't attempt to pull back. Instead, when she understood what he was doing, she went back to hugging his arm.

"I might've been with you the entire time, but it wasn't as myself," he started while looking ahead. "That was as Conan, and even if he was technically me- it wasn't the same. I couldn't say things I wanted; I couldn't _do_ the things that I wanted. As Conan, I was so limited with what I could do with you." Shaking his head and swallowing hard he said, "So I don't need space. I've had enough of it. I've seen the moments that I wished I could say something- the things I _wished_ I could've done differently, pass me by. I've missed out on a lot with you. I don't want to miss out on anything else."

"O-oh," she finally said and it was clear she hadn't known that. He wasn't sure if she was more embarrassed by his confession or more of that she so gravely misunderstood what he wanted or needed.

It was silent after that. They both were looking straight ahead of them- each likely too embarrassed to look at the other. Things had definitely changed since Kyoto but these confessions they each gave to each other this morning seemed to take their intimacy and understanding to a whole separate level. And that's why it was worth the humiliation. Because even if it was mortifying to say it the first time, it opened up for him to say it more freely without any reservations. There would be no more fear of if either felt the same. There was no more need for hiding.

Shinichi was content. He was relieved and thankful for how his morning had gone; proud about the progress Ran and him had made in their relationship. Just happy in general that there still was a relationship.

But then her arm was tightening ever so slightly on his arm and her quiet voice broke the dead silence.

"Then let's not miss out on anything else."

Her suggestion had been said so softly that he thought he may of heard her wrong. But once her words registered and it felt like her hold on him was getting tense by the second, he understood that he hadn't. He heard her correctly and against his will, he snapped his gaze to her almost incredulously.

_She didn't mean_. . .

All of a sudden his throat went dry and he was swallowing nervously. His thoughts going haywire with the connotation her words could hold; running wild with the possibilities.

_She couldn't mean_. . .

Then Ran was glancing back at him; her expression just as unsure but for another reason. She had to of seen how baffled he was- how _disbelieving _he was.

"I want to-" and then her cheeks went scarlet at her honesty that he was sure she hadn't mean to say aloud. The fact he wasn't saying anything wasn't helping. His quietness was making her anxious and she began backpedaling. "I mean. . we don't have to . . . b-but we can. . ." She was stumbling through her words and they only got more jumbled the more flustered she got.

That's when it clicked. She _did_ mean what he was thinking and she was panicking thinking he didn't want the same.

Ran hadn't just given him permission to touch her. She was saying she wanted it too. He couldn't control himself and now that she said she wanted it as well, he didn't have to.

Before she could stutter out some other ridiculous excuse for why they didn't have to if he didn't want to, he grabbed her face gently and lowered his mouth to hers, effectively cutting her off mid ramble. His lips sealed over hers firmly and it was a wonder how he had lasted this long without kissing her- without touching her in general. It had been too long and again he felt that desperate and frantic need take over.

He felt starved; deprived. It was like going without water in a drought and then suddenly there was a giant fountain placed right in front of him. She was addicting and when they broke away to breathe, he only allowed her a brief moment before forcing her back. He couldn't think of much else. His mind was simply playing the same mantra over and over in his head.

_Yes. Fucking God_\- yes.

He couldn't think of much else except that he didn't want her to leave; didn't want her to move away.

His hands had moved to tangle in her hair as he held her close by the back of her head. It was likely he didn't want to chance her pulling away from him. He couldn't deal with more space. He didn't want distance from her ever and it had his motions turning rougher.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt her hands resting against his chest again, suddenly tighten. Her nails scratched into his skin and it made his breath heave into her mouth from the slight jolt it sent south. He knew she probably hadn't meant to cut into him. It wasn't like it hurt- it did quite the opposite for him. But it was another sign like before.

He was overpowering her. He was going way too fast and though he felt like an addict that had been on the brink of withdraw finally getting their high- he knew he had to slow it down. Even if she didn't complain or stop him, he would have to. Otherwise this would be ending a lot sooner than either of them wanted.

She must've understood what he was thinking or at least had an idea when she felt the pace of his embrace change dramatically. It had her releasing a shaky exhale against his lips and his mouth was still so close to hers that he felt it when her tongue peeked out to wet her lips. He knew it wasn't her intention but it had felt like she licked him and the idea alone was enough to have his mind blanking again.

Releasing his grip in her hair, he threw his arms around her lithe waist and tugged her onto his lap. She was straddling him now with her legs bent on their knees that were on either side of his thighs. She wouldn't rest her full weight on him though and he assumed it was because she was nervous. So instead of her pulling her hips down; with his arms still wrapped tightly around her waist, he hugged her body to his torso.

She felt so tiny and small in his arms and he loved the contrast. She was just so damn cute and small and timid. It wasn't until he finally released her lips to nip at her jaw, that she allowed herself to sit completely against him. And the sensation that provided him, he couldn't discern which one was stronger. If it was a brief relief or something else made to tease him and drive him mad with want.

Her breasts had been pressed against the bare skin of his chest and every time either of them moved, they would rub against him. It had his blood pumping and almost having a mind of their own, his hands shot up to the front of her blouse again.

Those three buttons he had undone had never been fixed and so he simply tugged the shirt open further exposing more of her porcelain skin. Refusing to remove his mouth from hers, he hadn't been watching his actions but instead let his hand decide when it had enough room, before sliding it past the cloth and to brush against her ribcage just under the lace band of her pink bra.

If the way she released a shaky breath hadn't been proof enough, when he slid his hand across her skin, goosebumps rose at the contact and he felt a shiver wrack her frame. Her kiss almost turned shy, if that were possible to do as her tongue brushed against his. The fact that she wasn't retreating though encouraged his movements more and distractedly, when his hand had made its way back to her front, it slid down.

Brushing against her stomach, he became slightly frustrated when he realized he hadn't unbuttoned her shirt all the way and made quick work of the buttons from her belly button down. And when that was done he was tugging at her shorts next.

Her shorts lasted about as long as her shirt and soon his fingers were brushing against her panties that were now exposed through her open zipper. Still they were kissing fiercely. Her hands had moved from his shoulders and were now laying around his neck. He could feel her fingers tickling the nape of his neck as they seemed to play with the ends of his hair.

As he teased with the band of her equally pink underwear, she must've took that as a hint to what he was asking and as if she were giving him permission, her hips rose slightly and pushed into his hand.

He didn't need to be told twice.

Using his other hand, he tug her shorts down ever so slightly- just enough to be able to touch her where he desperately wanted.

He wasn't sure who needed the breather but once his fingers were brushing against her intimately, there mouths were separating and the room was filled with both of their loud breathing.

Peeking his eyes open, he saw that her own were shut tight; her mouth slightly agape and her head the smallest but bowed forward. Her cheeks were flushed beautifully and he knew that expression of hers would forever be seared in his memory. He wanted to pull something else from her; take as many reactions she was willing to give.

Eyes solely on her face, he let his fingers push aside the cloth where it covered her nether regions. He swallowed hard as he took in the way she sank her front teeth into her bottom lip when his fingers brushed across her intimately. He loved the way her breathing would hitch every time he passed over her and he kept doing it experimentally seeing if she would do that every time.

Going lower, he admittedly fumbled for a minute. It was difficult to do this properly when clearly he hadn't done it before and from this angle, he couldn't see. Solely going on feeling alone, his own mouth dropped open a shaky exhale when he felt how damp she was against his fingers.

Watching her more intently, he pressed against the nub at the apex of her thighs.

Her reaction was instantaneous.

Probably without knowingly meaning to, her hips jolted forward, pressing into his hand and his eyes went wide. He knew that would cause a reaction but hadn't been aware it would be that big.

He wanted to see it again.

This time he didn't just press against her. This time he continuously rubbed her and a small noise came from her mouth.

It drove him crazy.

Feeling more confident, he let another finger drift lower and after some searching and finding what he was looking for, he pushed a finger inside of her opening. His finger had slid in easily and his thoughts were going mad. They were getting loud and if he didn't calm them down he had a feeling just watching her would be enough to undo him.

She was just so wet and it made him want to lay his head back with a groan and close his eyes but he wouldn't. He didn't want to miss a single expression of hers.

The moment he had pressed a single digit inside of her, she had released a long and drawn out moan before her head was lowering even more- seeming to be too heavy for her shoulders. Slowly he pulled his finger out only to push it back in and he did it repeatedly. When he pushed a second finger in, she was lowering herself completely to bury her face in the fabric of the sofa. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around his neck and they were getting tighter the faster he moved his fingers.

The noises escaping her lips, he was positive he had never heard them from her before. It made him want to see the faces she was making even more but she seemed to be so overcome that she couldn't even sit up.

She was hugging him to her desperately; her arms wrapped firmly around his neck still as her hips slowly began to move with him. Soon she was grinding down hard against his finger and unknowingly, against his own stimulant. Her noises added with the fact he was touching her- the fact he was the reason she was making those noises to begin with, had him about to burst and he was straining almost painfully against his pants.

Unconsciously letting his hand slowly slide from her underwear, he gripped her hips and tugged her down hard. There had been a soft noise of distress in his ear when he removed his fingers but the fact he was grinding his hips roughly against hers quickly after must've distracted her enough.

Letting his head rest back against her arms, his eyes slid shut and he groaned loudly at the feeling.

He had to stop.

But he didn't want to.

The sudden relief he hadn't been planning on getting was intoxicating. She was tantalizing and he couldn't think straight with her gripping him and grinding against him so roughly.

Suddenly, feeling like it was beginning to be too much- he turned his face and buried it against her slender neck.

And he bit her.

He didn't know what possessed him to do it. He hoped he hadn't pressed down hard enough to actually hurt her but when she froze and suddenly stopped- he wasn't so sure anymore.

Eventually she sat up completely and his eyes opened at the loss of contact. She had been surrounding him one second and now he felt cold without her wrapped around him.

His complaints stopped dead in his thoughts though when he saw her expression.

She was so red and she looked almost hesitant now; her eyes focusing on his collarbone nervously.

And seeing how flustered she was, he realized all of what he had actually done and his face went as red as hers.

His hands jumped away almost like being burned.

"I-I'm sorry," he said past a dry throat and heaving breaths. "I-I shouldn't of-"

'_Went that fast_' is what he wanted to say but she was cutting him off just as quickly. "It's. . okay," she said while biting her lip and her cheeks flushed even brighter. "I-I liked it . . . I just. . . "

His was hanging on every word she said. He didn't mean it to but she seemed to get nervous with how intently he was listening to her. He couldn't help it though. He wanted to hear what she had to say. He always knew she would be timid if they ever got this far and he wanted her to understand how much he cared about what she had to say or what she thought about all of this.

When she trailed off and looked like she wasn't going to finish her sentence, he looked at her expectantly. "You just?" He questioned, prompting her to continue.

She was biting her lip again and he tried not to focus on that but instead of how her blush intensified and she looked so embarrassed.

Maybe they should stop. . . Shinichi wanted to continue but if she couldn't even talk to him about it, he didn't want to feel like he was forcing her. If she wasn't ready, it was fine. They already took a gigantic leap from where they left it off on her birthday.

"We can stop," he suggested as calmly as he could. He wasn't angry but just out of breath. No matter what they did, he'd have to take a second to settle his hormones.

"_No_!" Ran's outburst came so suddenly his eyes widened and realizing that, she looked embarrassed. More calmly she said, "I just. . I don't want to be . . " Ran was back to biting her lip. She looked like she was debating if she should say her thoughts or not.

He wouldn't look away from her though even when he knew his scrutinizing was making her more uncomfortable. He didn't want her to keep things from him. He didn't want her to hide her honest feelings.

The subtle movements of her arms raising slightly, had him looking down before snapping them back to her face.

He had forgot he completely opened her blouse and it hung open widely giving him the perfect view of her cleavage all the way down past her belly button.

As he looked at her again, he could tell she noticed his eyes drop and her already burning face went brighter. She wasn't looking at him either and though she hadn't actually covered herself, he could tell she was wanting to.

She didn't want to stop but . . .

Watching her still and when he realized she wouldn't be finished what she said, he took in the way her arms were stiffly at her sides and how her gaze was averted.

If she didn't want to stop all the way but she was trying to conceal herself. . .

Shinichi's eyes widened.

Not even bothering to ask because he knew it would fluster her more, he grabbed her around the waist again and swiftly turned them so he was laying over top of her.

The movements startled her at first but once she realized what he did, he could see the relief on her face.

"Better?" He asked anyway with a small tilt to his lips.

Eyes snapping up to his when he spoke, she gave a quick set of nods as she bit her lip; her hands moving to grip his shoulders again.

It was kind of cute. She was so shy sometimes. He didn't really understand what the difference was that she saw. Seeing her naked on top of him would still be seeing her naked below him. He didn't get her way of thinking but he wasn't about to deny her- especially if it made her more comfortable. It was also slightly amusing to him that she couldn't tell him that verbally and made him figure it out.

Did she think he would tell her no?

She was allowing him to touch her. He'd do so in any way she told him to. Only a blind fool would turn her away and he was neither.

And since he had done what she so timidly requested, he allowed his gaze to travel down again as he balanced himself on his hands and knees.

He had completely rushed through it earlier; his mind just wanting to undress her so they could be skin to skin. He wanted to take his time but as his gaze scanned all the smooth skin laid out below him- he wasn't sure how well that was going to work out.

Her supple chest was rising and falling with her breaths- which from their recent activities was hurried. With her bra still on and seeing as she was laying down, the weight of her breasts were pushing towards the top, teasing him with what he knew lay beneath.

He wanted to see more.

"Can this come off?" He asked, his voice strained as he tugged at her shirt but other than that, his eyes stayed plastered to her chest. His gaze only flickered up to catch her responding nod and he was using one arm to tug her up. The other, he left to quickly rid her of her button-up before sliding it behind her to undo her bra strap. He fumbled for a minute twisting and pulling at it but eventually was able to unhook it. The fabric sagged once not having anything to hold it up and looking at her chest, he tugged it down her arms to toss it away impatiently.

Looking at her, he wanted to devour her. It made his breathing become labored again.

Honestly, he had seen her naked a handful of times. All of which had been done during the Conan days. This was different to him though. As Conan he had the pressure to turn away; had his guilt that would tear him apart inside that he knew he was seeing something that he had no right to see.

Seeing her now though; seeing her as Shinichi- her boyfriend, had all his inhibitions gone. He felt no guilt as he drank in the dusky peaks of her nipples. There was no pressure sitting heavy on his chest telling him that what he was doing was wrong and that he didn't have the right.

He had the right. She gave it to him. And all the thoughts that flooded his mind- showed him all the possibilities was almost too much to bear.

He didn't have to look away. He didn't have to feel ashamed. He didn't have to hide what her body did to him. He could stare at her all night. He could bathe with her as himself. He could touch her.

_He could touch her_, the thought came back to him so quickly on a double take and he blinked at the realization.

Suddenly just staring at her wasn't enough and he had to wonder what the hell he was doing only staring at her. Almost experimentally, his hand came up to hold her chest. He noticed as she sucked in and that her breath had hitched and curiously, he stroked against the nub on her chest.

A surprised squeak came from her lips and automatically he looked at her face. Her eyes had closed again and he couldn't tell if it was because she was embarrassed or . . . something else. She didn't make any indication she wanted him to stop though and so he rubbed against her more surely.

Those noises were coming from her again; the ones that he loved but also drove him insane at the same time. That's what told him she was enjoying it and feeling more confident, his head dipped down to latch his mouth over one of her breasts.

He was sucking on her; nipping her, before he suddenly had the urge to kiss and lick his way to the other side. Her breathy gasps were what drove him forward and were telling him that he was finally doing something right. He could do this all day if she allowed him. This new territory they were entering where he could just freely see her topless and touch her was groundbreaking enough to him.

But suddenly she was stiffening and he had to wonder if he overstepped somewhere. Looking up, it was just in time to see her hands grabbing his face and pulling him to her so she could lay her mouth over his hotly. Her palms were on either side of his cheeks and she was holding him to her tightly as if worried he'd pull back.

That thought didn't cross him at all. If anything her desperate hold excited him and he pushed against her roughly, forcing her head back onto the throw pillow as he kissed her like she was giving him air.

He hadn't been expecting his reaction and though she wasn't fighting him or trying to pull away, he could feel her panic.

She was taking more breaths between their kisses, her nails were digging into his skin, and she wasn't pressing back as firmly as she had been. He was being too rough; too forceful and it was making her shy away.

He needed to relax. He needed to calm down and it was actually quite sad that he had to keep telling himself that. He couldn't help himself around her though. Especially with how long they had gone without just being near each other. It deprived him.

But they were together now. She was there, beneath him. She wasn't going anywhere. He needed to calm down. She wasn't leaving him. She wanted him.

Breaking off their kiss, he leaned away some. He needed to let her breathe- to let her mind catch of with her. He couldn't just bombard her on their first time. He'd scare her if she understood how frantic and desperate he was over her. And if he wasn't careful, he could hurt her.

There was no way he could just not touch her though. She was underneath him with her top half completely bare. So instead, he rested his head against her shoulder and gave her soft kisses there. He was trying to be less intense; trying to be more gentle to show her that this was what it really was about. That he loved her above anything else.

After a minute of letting her catch her breath and him just pressing lazy kisses against her skin, he finally straightened to look down at her.

Her eyes were closed but her breathing was smoother so he pressed the same gentle pecks against her cheek and jaw.

"You okay?" He whispered against the soft skin of her face. When her eyes flickered open and he saw how dazed they looked- on a normal day, he would've been smug. He would've been proud that he did that to her. Not to say he wasn't happy now but he was trying to be a little more attentive. She was his priority. He didn't want to hurt her or make her feel pressured to continue.

As he kept watching her, waiting for an answer, he was beginning to wonder if maybe she hadn't heard him. But then she was giving him the sweetest, shy smile, her cheeks still flushed from their activities.

"I love you."

Her tone was as gentle as the look in her eyes and like she had been doing since she first smiled at him when he was four, it made his breathing stop all together.

They had already said this to each other before. Though they hadn't progressed much past it, when he came back he didn't even try to hide how he felt. And when he said it, she had said it back immediately. But besides that initial time, they hadn't said it much afterwards. It was something they knew but didn't say often and hearing it made his heart feel so heavy and full.

If he had been looking for something to slow him down, it had been that. It made him completely forget the fact she hadn't answered his question and instead his features softened incredibly as she continued to stare at him with that smile that he hoped was only for him.

Leaning down, he connected their lips again. This time the kiss was slower; more leisurely. He still wanted her. That wouldn't change but her words had set a different tempo for them and this time when he sat up, it was so he could take her shorts off.

They were still unbuttoned from earlier when she was in his lap, so it made it quite easy to get rid of them. Meeting her gaze as she watched him curiously, he took both her pants and underwear at the same time. She made no move to protest or recoil. She was just staring at him not saying a thing. So when he stood to rid himself of the rest of his clothes, he paused as he undid his belt.

"Shinichi?" She called softly and he noticed she rose on her elbows.

Looking down at their clothes scattered across his living room floor, he had to wonder. . .

"Are you sure? Is. . . is this okay?" He questioned her feeling slightly unsure.

The fact he sounded and looked hesitant must've worried her because she was starting to sit up more and looking like she was wanting to cover herself.

"Y-you want to stop?"

Her voice was so timid but it was the panic and the humiliation in her eyes that stuck out to him more. She was embarrassed thinking he didn't want to continue. She was naked after all and she thought he was turning her away.

"No!" He said adamantly before shaking his head. "I just- is this really okay?" And suddenly he was gesturing around them for her to get his meaning.

Was his living room okay? Was her first time being on his _couch,_ really okay with her? Wouldn't she rather a bed at least? Gosh, he was such a dick.

"As long as it's with you, does it really matter?"

Head shooting up to look at her, his blue eyes were wide. She looked slightly embarrassed by what she said but he could tell she didn't doubt them. And as he ran them through in his mind over and over, he was overcome with feeling again.

She loved him that much? That thought did more to him than any of her touches ever would. The fact she loved him so fervently after all he had put them through. After he lied to her and betrayed her trust. After he made her wait for him for almost a whole year. Not for the first time he thought he didn't deserve her but he was so selfish that he refused to give her up. He knew he'd never be willing to let her go.

All that was left to do was to strip off the rest of his clothes. He could feel her curious stare on him and though she had never seen him in this state of undress as himself, he didn't feel the need to hide. He had already seen her; touched her. He wouldn't let his own modesty get in the way of that.

Crawling back over her, he kissed her softly on her lips a few times. He could feel the nerves coming back for both of them though he knew hers was more for something else.

She had already let him move between her legs, spreading them wider to accommodate his larger frame. They were pressed chest to chest and he could feel her breaths become shallower. Bracing himself on his hands, he waited till she was looking at him again.

"You tell me if you want to stop." He wasn't asking her. He was telling though he didn't much like ordering her about. He just didn't want her to lay there in pain so she could please him. He didn't want her to be afraid to push him away.

Shinichi wouldn't continue though until she finally gave her affirmation and even then, he only dropped down to kiss her some more.

As there embrace became more intense and he felt her hands slide up his bare chest, he let one hand move down to probe at her entrance.

She was still soaked against his fingers and the realization went straight to his already pulsing member. Just to make sure he could have her as ready as possible, he slid two fingers past her opening and began moving them back and forth.

He felt her little gasps hit his mouth and then she was breaking away from their lip lock to tip her head back; her mouth falling open silently.

The expression she bore was enough to push him further and again he was using his thumb to rub frantically against the nub above her opening.

By this point her hips were pushing against his hand and he leaned back to watch her reactions play out across her face. The only warning he had that she was about to finish was the slight shutter that wracked her body and then her walls were clenching around his fingers.

When her peak hit her, she inhaled sharply before digging her nails into his shoulder again. Her head was still tipped back but now her whole frame was arching into him pushing her breasts into his view even more; her legs that had been cradling him, now wrapping around his hips dragging him down.

She was a sight to behold and her reaction had him groaning in pain at how hard she was making him. When her release passed and she was still arched and trembling, he let his face press against her breasts and laid kisses all up to her neck.

He hadn't meant for her to finish like that but after what he just witnessed, he was glad he did. He wanted to laugh when he saw how embarrassed she looked after her reaction. He probably would've if he hadn't been so in awe of her. Instead, and like he was forgetting his brain to mouth filter he said the first thing that entered his mind.

"That was the hottest thing I have ever seen," he admitted, mouth slightly gaping and he could feel the heat radiating off Ran's face at his words.

He hadn't meant to embarrass her further but he couldn't help it. He wasn't lying. And he didn't want there to be any misunderstanding on how he felt about her body.

Not being able to take the painful ache any longer in his groin, he reached his hand down again to touch her but this time with something larger than his finger.

When his member brushed against her, he could hardly contain himself. He knew that once he entered her, he wouldn't be moving for a quite awhile and it wasn't just because she may be in pain. If he didn't wait, he would be finishing before they barely started. Already he could feel the wet heat coming off her and it had his eyes wanting to close in pleasure.

He couldn't though. He had to watch her. He couldn't trust her solely to tell him to stop and he would watch for her reactions. Even if it fucking killed him, he wouldn't be moving until she said it was okay.

When he started pushing into her, he knew already it wouldn't feel good right away for her. Doing the one thing he knew had given her pleasure before, he slowly touched the nub above her entrance.

When he had began to move, he had felt her tense but she thankfully calmed down some when he brushed against her. It didn't last long though and even that didn't smother the pain when he finally entered her fully.

Shinichi hated that he was feeling the greatest pleasure he had ever known while she was very much in pain and her nails were cutting into his flesh from the strain. She hadn't given him a cry of pain but he could tell by the way she was biting her lip and clenching her jaw that she wasn't feeling good. Her legs were trembling some and he hoped it was mostly from nerves and not from the barrier he just forced his way through.

As it was, her walls were wrapped around him- smothering him and the feeling was enough to have him choking. He was trying to focus solely on her reactions. He knew he couldn't move no matter how badly he wanted to pull out and plow back into her. Not until she told him to.

Releasing the death grip she had latched into his skin, he felt her muscles slowly going slack. She wasn't as tense anymore and he figured that was because the pain for the most part had passed.

"It's okay," she said quietly as she swallowed hard. "Just. . . slow," she requested and his head fell back in relief when he was able to pull out before slowly pushing back in. She tensed up again but it wasn't nearly as stiff as the first time and she didn't give him any indication to just stop.

Slowly, he did it again and again; refraining from hastening his pace. The urge was still there of course but not as strong as the one he had to make this as non painful and pleasurable as he could for her.

His head was still leaning back; his eyes shut tight cause he knew if he took one look at her it would be over. Instead he just brushed his palms against the smooth skin of her inner thighs trying to focus on keeping it together.

Her nimble fingers reaching for him and curling around his side or wherever she could reach, had him looking at her again and he realized that that's likely what she had wanted. She was biting her lip again but this time the look in her eyes was different and he had a feeling she wasn't very much in pain in anymore.

Suddenly her legs he had been caressing we're wrapping around him and he gave a strangled sound when she tightened them to jerk her hips slightly. He knew it was an indication he could speed up but the movement was so sudden and abrupt it stalled him. He was already on the brink and her every movement pushed him closer and closer. He knew she wanted him to move faster. But he also knew he wouldn't last if he did.

It was already too much. The sensation so amazing. She was all wet and hot and clenching him tightly. It just felt so damn good and suddenly giving up, he took her cue and began thrusting into her quickly.

His eyes shut on their own as he fell forward to brace his weight on his hands again. He was hovering over and pushing desperately against her. His breaths were coming out strangled and choked and somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that she was moaning herself. He just- he couldn't look at her. Her noises were enough and the sensation was already going to ruin him. He just couldn't look at her.

And then a soft hand was rising up to delicately brush against his cheek. It pushed into his hair gently brushing his bangs back and not being able to resist the temptation, he opened his eyes.

She was already staring at him. Her violet eyes lax and dazed. Her hair was sprawled all behind her in a tangled mess as she kept crying out. And as he let his gaze travel downwards, his vision automatically zeroed in on her breasts that were bouncing with every impact of his hips.

He knew looking at her would be a mistake.

His release hit him hard.

With a long, drawn out moan, he crumbled against her and buried his face in her neck. His hands went on either side of her hips, clenching them tightly and forcing them to stay pressed against each other where they were joined. He held her to him like that until his high finally passed and he sagged against her tiredly.

It was only after his vision cleared again that he realized what he just did.

And he was_ mortified_. He didn't know how he would be able to come back from this humiliation. He just . . . He couldn't help it.

Still barely having the energy to move, he rested his forehead flat against the skin in between her breasts almost dejectedly.

"Shit," he heaved out frustrated with himself. That had ended way too fast for his liking and on top of that- he had finished before her. She hadn't even gotten to finish.

"_God_\- I'm sorry," he choked out still trying to catch his breath. He was so embarrassed he didn't even want to look at her.

"Shinichi," she called softly and when he still didn't move, she grabbed his head and made him look at her. She was smiling at him softly and there was no anger or ridicule in her gaze. "It's okay," she started and already he was going to argue with her.

"I already-! You already-" she tried again before cutting herself off embarrassed.

She was trying to say he already helped her reached an orgasm earlier but still, he wasn't satisfied with himself.

He had lost count how many times he let his fingers touch her there that night but before she could protest more, he was already rubbing her there. He had already softened against her but that didn't mean he was about to leave her hanging.

Making quick work and trying to run off whatever had been started for her before he ended it so abruptly, his strokes got faster and faster and before she knew it she was breathing heavy again, pushing her pelvis against his more. This time she peaked faster than the other and her body began to tremble as she clenched around him. She was crying out and arching and twisting around him and it was hard for him to be so disappointed at himself when he was making her do that.

When she laid back flat against the couch again, he pulled his fingers back but never took his eyes off her face. Her eyes had closed again and her blush had reached down her chest at this point. Letting her catch her breath, he took his time admiring the view.

He still had no idea how he had gotten so lucky. What had he done to deserve her? What did she see in him to allow him the right to touch her like that? He had no idea but he wouldn't question it. She said she loved him and he loved her. Sometimes he thought, way more than she could ever know or comprehend.

It was only afterwards as they were laying there, that he realized he hadn't ever said it back when she said it to him today. They had long since readjusted and he was laying on his back with her hugging him to her by his chest.

"You know I love you too, right?" He said breaking the calm silence that had settled over them. He had been brushing his hand down her back soothingly but his words surprised her and she lifted her head, forcing him to stop.

It took her a moment to register his words and she was giving him that special smile again that he prayed was for his eyes only. Laying her head back down on his chest, she hugged him tighter.

"I know," she said with a content grin.

* * *

After that, they practically lazed about all day. It was kind of amusing to him because it was still bright and early. They still had the whole day ahead of them but they couldn't be bothered.

Ran just ended up staying at his house all day. Per her request, they both showered- separately. She had asked to take one and while he was waiting for her to finish, he hopped in. Of course it had crossed his mind to just join her but he wasn't sure if they were . . . 'there' yet. Shinichi couldn't tell if that was her way of getting space or not and he didn't feel confident enough to assume he was welcome.

Besides, he was a little concerned with her lack of response towards any pain. Ran hadn't shown much that said she was hurting except right when he had caused it. He wanted to ask but at the same time he didn't. He didn't want her hurting because of him and staying quiet but he also didn't want to embarrass her by asking. Already she had turned bright scarlet when he almost had a panic attack for making her bleed.

Quickly she went to reassure him that she was fine and she hardly felt a thing. But all he heard was 'hardly' and that told him, even though it had been minor- she had felt something of discomfort. And it didn't sit well with him, even if there wasn't really anything he could've done to prevent it. He just didn't want it to be more serious than she was letting on because she was embarrassed.

He let it go until he saw her the next morning for school. As usual she had met him at his house and already being wide awake for once, he was waiting outside his front gate. Shinichi perked up the moment he saw her.

"Awake already?" she asked, clearly surprised as she walked towards him with her satchel.

"Couldn't sleep," he said simply but with an easy smile as he waited for her to reach him. His words though had a frown slowly forming on her face.

"_Again_?" Her tone was worried and he couldn't help the way he flushed when she placed a hand on his cheek only to slide it to his forehead. It brought him back to his Conan days when he had a cold. She was always placing her forehead to his and caressing him with her soft palms and though the intention was innocent enough, his thoughts and reactions were slightly less honorable.

And as it usually happened, Ran didn't link her closeness to his blushing face nor his temperature increase. Instead, the heat she must've felt radiating off him when she touched him had her looking even more worried.

"You're heating up! Do you have a fever?" she asked, startled.

Shinichi's eyes widened, embarrassed. "N-No!" he accidentally stammered and though he felt the urge to step away, he refrained from doing so. He didn't really want to admit what had his body temp heating but he didn't want to push her away, even more.

To his horror, Ran looked like she was about to cry.

"But I know you haven't been sleeping well a-and yesterday before we. . . " she stumbled before trailing off uncomfortably. "You didn't look well," she finally finished sadly and he realized she must've been blaming herself for why he look like crap the other day.

Not caring if it would be humiliating or not-_ embarrassment be damned_; Shinichi grabbed her hand that was resting against his forehead still and pulled her to him firmly. Ran gave a startled gasp from the sudden movement but she didn't pull away and he took that as a good thing.

"I'm fine, Ran. Believe it or not but it was actually something good that was keeping my up all night," he tried reassuring her but when she still looked upset, he sighed and had to glance away from her. She wouldn't get it unless he flat out said it.

"I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about what we did yesterday," he mumbled quietly as if there were others around to hear. He couldn't look at her though because he was afraid of what he might see. He didn't want her to think he was perverted or only interested in that. But Shinichi couldn't help it that his mind kept replaying what they did over and over making it impossible for him to calm down. It was a good distraction but still that- a distraction.

"O-oh," she said quietly in return and he could just feel her heated flush before he saw it. "I'm. . . sorry. . ?" she said slowly and she sounded like she wasn't exactly sure if she should be.

Shinichi couldn't help but chuckle as he looked back at her fully. "Don't apologize for that,"he joked even though they both were still blushing.

"I'm sorry," she said again on accident and when he laughed louder she blushed harder and rolled her eyes.

He didn't mean to make fun of her. He was just in a good mood and it felt like it was impossible to come down. It had him tightening his hold on her hand and leading her down the sidewalk towards their school.

"Did you have an okay night?" he asked her curiously. Of course he had called her, but apparently she missed the call and ended up just texting him back. It had worried him at first that he had done something wrong.

Ran shrugged. "It was fine. Dad actually ate a meal my mother cooked without any complaint," she joked. "After dinner, I just took a bath and went to bed- after messaging you."

_Bath?_

"But you showered at my house," he reminded not really embarrassed by that fact but she went a light pink.

"I was a little sore so I figured it would help some." And her face went even pinker as she explained that. Shinichi however was _not_ embarrassed.

He was _horrified_.

Since he had still been holding her hand tightly, when he stopped walking it actually forced her to come to a halt as well and she looked at him curiously. They had stopped just outside the school gates and he wouldn't let them continue until they addressed this.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He didn't even need to ask what caused it. It was obvious what had done it.

He had done it.

Noticing his shift in mood, she shuffled uneasily. "I didn't think it was really that big a deal," she said softly.

Not a big deal?! All night he had been daydreaming about it- meanwhile she was in pain from it.

What a nice and caring boyfriend, he was.

Stepping closer to her, he grabbed her by her forearms when she went to move back. "Are you hurting now?"

"No! I mean- I'm a little sore but-"

Suddenly, startling them both, Sonoko peeked around them.

"Lover's quarrel?" she cut Ran off with a mischievous giggle.

"_Sonoko_!" Ran shrieked before she was forcibly shoving Shinichi away by her palms to his chest to distance them. Not expecting it, he ended up stumbling back but when he maintained his balance he scowled at Sonoko.

Perfect timing as usual to but into Ran and his business.

"How long were you standing there?" Ran asked, mortified by the possibility of what she heard. If Shinichi wasn't so concerned about something else, he probably would've been too. Instead though, he was glaring and directing all sorts of profanities the Suzuki heiress' way.

"Long enough," Sonoko said casually and when Ran and him both went bright red, she started laughing loudly. "Ran, I was joking but it looks like you have some spilling to do," she nudged her mischievously. "Discussing your latest lovers tryst?"

That only made them go darker.

That's exactly what they had been discussing.

Their collective silence had been a mistake though and soon Sonoko's eyes were widening; her brows raising in shock. She had been joking after all but to think she had been correct. . .

She started laughing.

"Oh my God!"

Brain catching up, Ran went to deny it all. "W-what! No! We weren't-!"

But Sonoko was already laughing so hard that all she could do was shake her head before walking past the school gates.

Well that was great, Shinichi thought sourly. Not that she would tell anybody but he didn't much like the fact that Sonoko always knew what was going on between him and Ran. Especially when she had shut the door in his face so coldly.

Clearly she had known he was worrying about nothing and just wanted him to suffer.

So trapped in his thoughts, he almost missed it when Ran went to walk away. On instinct, he reached out to hold her in place.

"Wait," he said firmly while swallowing nervously.

They weren't done here. Not until she at least answered him honestly.

She must've realized what he still wanted to address and she went red while looking anywhere but at him. When it became clear that he wasn't going to let her just walk away, she sighed before stepping closer to him. After he heard what she said, he belatedly realized it was likely because she didn't want to chance someone else hearing again.

"I promise I'm okay." When she realized that wasn't going to be enough to convince him she said more shyly, "It couldn't of been that bad if I'd want to do it again."

She still wasn't looking at him as she said that and for once, he was actually glad she was too timid to meet his eyes. He had _not_ been expecting her words and it had that same feeling from yesterday morning surging through him.

Longing. Lust. _Want_.

Definitely not emotions he should be having for her at school.

But once that passed, it gave him enough time to cover that and soon a smirk was forming over his face.

"_Really_?" he asked with his voice sounding more than a little cocky and proud of himself.

Noticing that she had done a lot more than reassure her boyfriend- more like inflate his already incredibly large ego; she rolled her eyes before shoving him away.

* * *

**A/N~ I hope you enjoyed this! I know it was extremely long but I really didn't feel like splitting this one in half. Felt it looked better as a whole :) Sorry I haven't really posted much else besides some drabbles. I am still working on the next chapter of Interview Mania. I'm not sure when it will be ready to post since I am going on a trip for a week and know I will not be able to write anything. I leave Wednesday night though so I am doing my best to finish as much as I can! Please be patient with me a little longer! I know my update streak hasn't been the best and I apologize! But as usual, my inbox here and on tumblr is always open! Let me know what you think of the story in the comments as well if you could! I'd love to hear from ya'll! :D **


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